


the soul of a flame

by vennilave



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adventure, Alcohol, Angst, Banter, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Harassment, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Mentions of Prostitution, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:28:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26285713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vennilave/pseuds/vennilave
Summary: you’re just a bar owner from the underground who was lucky enough to feel the sun. levi’s just a captain from the underground who was lucky enough to find the sun.
Relationships: Levi & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader
Comments: 39
Kudos: 144





	1. the spark

**Author's Note:**

> reader is a reader of color because that's how it's going to be. if i feel like i cant relate with some of the fics posted here/tumblr bc of obvious physical attributes assigned to reader, then im sure many others feel the same as well. ENJOY

Levi suspects that his squad is getting shitfaced. _Again_. It’s only the end of a grueling few weeks after they’ve been appointed to his squad and had to go through a stricter, more regimented version of Cadet training.

It was Levi’s version of training.

He had them training from early hours into the heat of the mid afternoon until the sun began to dip into the sky. They never outwardly complained, not to him at least. They knew better.

Levi had granted them an early evening, to which all four of them had been surprised by-

_“What? You four earned it,” Levi says with his arms crossed, “Don’t look so surprised. I’m not a tyrant.”_

_“Of course not, Captain Levi,” Petra chirps, an always sweet smile on her face._

_Oluo elbows her, telling her to stop being such a kiss ass and Petra gapes at him._

_“Me? Look at your hair! You can’t even pull off bangs the way Captain Levi can,” She scoffs, arms crossed over her chest._

_Levi rolls his eyes, not bothering to conceal the fondness he has for his team._

_“Get outta here,” He says not unkindly._

He didn’t think they would end up finding their way to a bar for two nights in a row. They’re getting ready for their _third_ night at the same bar and Levi has to know.

What the hell has gotten into his team?

“Which one of you four idiots is gonna tell me where you’ve been sneaking off to?” Levi asks, appearing suddenly in front of Oluo and Gunther.

“We told you Captain! There’s a bar not too far from here,” Eld says enthusiastically, “There’s a rumor that they make their own alcohol with _gold_ there.”

“Right,” Levi scoffs, “That has to be the only reason why you four come back shitfaced every night. Because of _gold_.”

“Not me, sir!” Petra protests, earning herself a glare from Oluo.

“Who are you lying to, Petra?” Oluo says, “And it’s not _gold_ , Eld. I hear it’s diamonds and rubies. Sapphires, too.”

“How the fuck do you make alcohol out of diamonds, rubies and sapphires? Do you hear yourselves?” Levi says, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“That’s what it tastes like, Levi. That’s what her alcohol tastes like,” Gunther says dreamily. 

“So which is it? You like the alcohol or you like _her?_ ” Levi says, a faint, uncharacteristic teasing in his tone.

“Doesn’t help that she’s very pretty, sir,” Petra says thoughtfully, tapping her chin.

“I’m sure it doesn’t,” Levi rolls his eyes, turning his back on his team, “Enjoy. You’re expected to be ready for training at dawn.”

“Yes, sir,” They all chorus while saluting. 

“Levi,” Gunther says, “You should come later, if you want. Hange and Mike will be coming later.”

“ _Tch,_ ” Levi waves him off without another word and Gunther shrugs.

He has better things to do than drink shitty alcohol from a shitty bar with his friends and fellow soldiers. 

***

It turns out that Levi in fact, does _not_ have better things to do than drink shitty alcohol from a shitty bar with his friends and fellow soldiers. Hange had convinced him to join them. And her version of convincing had been blackmailing him into holding his most favorite tea leaves hostage and loudly telling him that he needed to get out more often otherwise he’d turn shrivel up and turn into a grump-

_“If we hurry and go, we can reverse the process before it’s too late.”_

Which is how he found himself walking to the bar that Hange coerced him into going to. It’s called the Silver Sapphire, and honestly, he can’t think of a shittier name for a bar. Sapphires aren’t even silver.

Levi hates any amount of attention on him, and the way the bar goes silent for a moment when all eyes land on him makes his skin crawl. He sits at his own table, away from the ruckus of the other squad leaders and his own team as the noise around him resumes. He fully expects his team to see him and surround him soon.

At least none of the shitty kids were here.

“Captain Levi! You caaaame,” Oluo says, as Petra sits across from him. 

“Came to see what all the fuss was about,” Levi shrugs, “And Shitty Glasses decided to hold my tea leaves hostage if I didn’t show up.”

“Orrrr Captain Levi wants to see the pretty bartender,” Petra says in a singsong voice, eyeing him curiously.

Levi lets her have her fun. It puts a smile on her face, so he lets her have it. 

“Try some of my earthwater, Captain,” Oluo says, pushing his glass towards Levi.

“I’d rather die by the hands of my own blades than drink anything you’ve put your shitty tongue in, Oluo,” Levi says tonelessly, “Earthwater? What the hell is that?”

“The stuff made of diamonds,” Hange appears from around the corner and sits next to Petra, “You were right, Oluo.”

“Hange,” Levi says curtly, crossing his arms over his chest. Hange lets out a peal of delighted laughter at his irritation. 

“Shorty’s upset with me because I told him to get out of his office for the first time all week,” Hange whispers to Petra.

Levi rolls his eyes so far back he’s certain he sees his own skull.

Suddenly, Petra elbows Hange, discreetly looking at the bar and whispering to her with a tipsy giggle. Levi hears Gunther and Oluo sigh like lovestruck fools, even Petra and before he can ask them whether they are soldiers of the Survey Corps or whether they’re idiots in high school-

He sees you making your way to them from behind the bar and can kind of understand why they have hearts in their eyes, and why they’re behaving the way that they are. His own throat is a little dry but he clears it subtly, eyes not leaving you.

“Third night, huh? To what do I owe this pleasure?” You murmur, all smiles and warm, dark eyes. You have a notebook and a pen in your hand to take their orders.

Levi is aware of the intensity of his gaze over you. Your dark green silk shirt is neatly tucked into your black pants that hug your hips and your legs. It’s loose and yet sits on your torso like it was made for you. The dark green is a shade or two darker than the Survey Corps capes, but you wear the color much better than anyone in the Corps ever could. Levi catches a glint of gold at the base of your throat attached to a thread of gold wrapping around the column of your neck. The top two buttons of your shirt unbuttoned carelessly, allowing him a peek of your deep skin glowing with the lights of the bar.

He swallows.

“These four idiots have been raving about your drink, what is it _dirtwater_ ?” Levi says tonelessly, “Must be pretty shitty if it’s called _dirtwater._ ”

“It’s called _earthwater_ , actually,” You reply easily but Levi catches the bite in your tone, “You should have one. On the house. It’s my own recipe and maybe it’ll loosen the stick up _Captain Levi’s ass_ a little bit.”

His teammates, all traitors apparently, snicker at your comment.

“ _Fine_ ,” Levi scoffs, “I’ll have your shitty drink. And what happens when I decide that I don’t like it?”

“That won’t happen,” You wave him away with a smirk across your painted lips, “After all. I made it.”

And with that, you saunter away with the rest of their orders and Levi sinks into his seat imperceptibly.

You look over your shoulder and toss him a reckless wink and a rogue smile. It takes a second for Levi to realize that you’re looking in _his_ direction. He turns his gaze away from you, ignoring the heat creeping up in his neck.

***

The minute you see Levi of the Survey Corps walk into your bar, you know you had to see him up close. You’ve only heard stories about him, rumors mostly. That he’s a well oiled Titan killing machine. That he’d climbed the ranks of the Corps quickly, _too_ quickly. You’ve heard that he’s an Underground kid, and _that_ has your interest piqued.

The entire bar goes silent when he pushes the doors open. Clearly, Captain Levi doesn’t just walk into bars very often. Your eyes immediately shift to the rest of the Corps, in a separate corner of the bar.

He looks disinterested as he observes the bar around him. You have an eye on him, as you do with all your new and high profile customers. You notice how he relaxes in his seat, but he has a watchful eye on his surroundings, too.

Maybe it comes from being from the Underground. Always trying to be five steps ahead of any perceived threats. Maybe it comes from his Corps training. Maybe both.

You can’t help your eyes from wandering as you watch him subtly from the bar. He’s handsome, somehow both rough and effortless at the same time. The planes of his face are lined with cues of life and loss and you wonder how close you can get to him to see more.

You prepare five mugs of earthwater, adding a little extra mint to their drinks to spruce it up. You strive to impress, and Captain Levi is no exception. Carrying all five drinks on a tray with one hand, you head back over to their table, ignoring the hollering of your patrons around you. You turn your head towards them while you’re still walking, and flash them a gratuitous wink to quell them. They sigh happily and you roll your eyes fondly.

They’re just drunk and happy.

“I’m back,” You announce, “One earthwater for each of you.”

You hand a mug to each of them, careful not to slosh the liquid over the rim. Levi eyes the mugs impassively- they’re made of shiny brass and have a thin handle on the side. And they’re _clean_ , he realizes as he inspects the mug.

“I’m curious to hear your thoughts, Captain,” You say with a smile, your right hand on the table and your left hand on your hip. You lean on your right hand and Levi tries to ignore the way the collar of your shirt slips to the side, the hollow between your neck and shoulder exposed. He catches the glint of something shiny on your left hand before taking a sip in front of six pairs of waiting eyes.

They all lean in close to hear the verdict.

“It’s not _shitty_ ,” Levi says, pleasantly surprised. Not that you’d be able to tell. It’s a little sweet but not overwhelmingly so. He can taste richness in the aftertaste of the drink and the combination of it with mint is unlike anything he’s ever tasted. What exactly is in this drink? No wonder Oluo says it’s filled with diamonds and sapphires.

“Ha! I’ll take it,” You say triumphantly, “Well, enjoy. You know where to find me.”

Your dark eyes linger on Levi for a second longer, searching for the hidden roughness that only an Underground kid can have. But he’s no kid, and he hides it well.

So do you.

Levi is no stranger to pretty women, and he knows beauty when he sees it. At first glance, you look like you’ve been born and raised inside of Wall Rose. Your brown skin glows despite the absence of sun, you smile so boldly that your cheeks must hurt, your eyes are mischievous.

And yet. It only takes one sweeping glance at you, at your confidence and the twinkle in his eyes for Levi to see how much of yourself you’ve given to be _here_. To have something called your own. Your hands were rough when you had handed him his mug and he saw faint, old scars on your forehead and your neck when you had leaned in.

He can admire from afar, can’t he? No harm, no foul. It’s not like he’ll be coming back here anyway, right? He’ll probably be dead before he can.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. ignite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> levi sees you a few more times at the silver sapphire, where you’re in your element.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mostly a filler chapter to establish characters and the setting. also i might be adding several chapters in between, after further outlining LOL. enjoy! i look forward to your thoughts. find me on tumblr @ venilavee

You were definitely  _ not _ expecting the bar to be this busy tonight. Neither you nor Misaki had known that the Survey Corps were about to go on a big expedition, which explained why anyone with a green cape who was old enough to drink was in your bar.

The expedition was in a few days, far enough in the future where it didn’t feel like it was looming just yet. The grim truth is that you’d see fewer and fewer of those green capes every time they’d come back. You wonder what exactly happens on those expeditions, but it can’t be anything good. You have a soft spot for them- they’ve treated you kindly for the most part. 

It’s those damn MP’s that grate on your last nerve. The number of times that some of them,  _ especially _ the older ones, have barged into your bar. Demanding free alcohol as some kind of payment for “protecting” the citizens of Wall Rose.

The number of times you’ve forced them out. It’s one too many.

You’re working up a sweat as you try to keep up with everyone at the bar. There’s dirt on your navy blue blouse and it’s bothering you every time you glance down but you haven’t had a chance to rub it away. You’re also certain that there is dirt on your face as well but you pay no mind to it. There’s no time, after all. Not when there’s dozens of soldiers who are desperate for a drink and a good time.

You fleetingly wonder if you’ll see any familiar faces. You’ve met some members of Squad Mike, Squad Levi and Squad Hange at least once. You’re the most acquainted with Squad Levi. You’ve even met some members of the Garrison regiment, including Hannes and Rico Brzenska, who reminds you somewhat of someone you once knew a long time ago.

Your thoughts flutter to Levi. You’ve seen him two or three times so far, and you would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy his company. As rare as it was that he came by. He’s so easy to tease, and sometimes he gives it right back to you.  _ That  _ makes you smile when it happens.

Drinks are flowing, your arms beginning to get tired from the tumblers of ale and mixed drinks you’ve been refilling over the last hour. It’s bustling and noisy, just how you like it. Misaki’s in the same boat as you, carrying two trays filled with snacks and drinks.

Squad Levi is at their usual corner of the bar, but Levi isn’t with them. You wonder if he’ll show up later, but your thoughts are pulled away from the grumpy Captain when Squad Mike saunters into your bar with Mike himself leading the charge. The tall man sticks out from the rest as he generously sniffs around the bar. You’ve heard from Oluo that the man has a few  _ interesting _ habits.

They look incredibly happy for a team about to embark on a potentially fatal mission. You suppose this is the territory that comes with being in the Survey Corps.

And where is their Commander? Erwin Smith. It’s been years, over a decade since you had last seen his piercing, blue eyes. You doubt he remembers you. It’s a memory even you have to reach into the depths of your mind for. 

But still. If anyone should have a drink tonight, it’s him.

You manage to sneak in a shot or two to steel your own nerves when you see Erwin walk in with Levi right next to him. You meet Levi’s eyes and wave at him.

“Commander Erwin,” You nod, “Honored to meet you, sir.”

He’s as intimidating and commanding of respect now as he was back then. You watch his face for a flash of recognition but there is none. Seemingly.

You offer both him and Levi a drink and excuse yourself to help Misaki out with the new orders that have come through. 

You’ve slowly come to realize that the Survey Corps really knows how to drink. When you deliver a drink to Erwin and his table members, you wryly tell him that the Survey Corps budget must be bursting at the seams. If they’ve got enough money to splurge on alcohol like this.

“We only splurge like this once in a while. When we know that many of us won’t be returning,” He replies and you nearly shrivel up from his icy gaze.

You can’t help but feel like you’ve been scolded like a schoolchild. You leave them to their devices, deciding to work on the growing pile of dirty dishes in the back. The flow of orders has slowed down and you’re hoping you can keep up with the cleaning.

“Loosen up, Erwin,” Levi says easily, after a sip of his whiskey, “Maybe that stick up your ass will loosen up, too.”

Erwin rolls his eyes at his Captain and takes a drink of his earthwater. It had been the recommendation of Hange, Moblit and even Levi himself.

He’s pleasantly surprised. 

Levi leans back in his chair, crossing his arms across his chest. He watches you and Misaki flit around quickly between tables, almost like a dance. You both work together synchronously to fulfill orders and even have the time for small talk with the patrons of the bar. His gaze is unwavering, maybe even harsh. He sees a few specks of dust on your cheeks and your forehead. 

It bothers him more than it should. 

The next time you circle back to their table, he can’t help himself-

“Oi. You’ve got some dirt on your face,” Levi points out, looking up at you from his seat.

Your cheeks heat up and you haphazardly rub your face. In an attempt to clean your face, you end up smudging the dirt around even more and Levi shakes his head. At this angle, Levi can see a stain at the collar of your navy shirt.

How annoying. 

You walk away from them after taking their orders and Levi watches you head to the back supply room. Levi waits a few beats before following you inside.

You nearly let out a screech when you come face to face with him. He moves so quietly and he raises an eyebrow at your jumpiness. 

“You made the dirt worse,” Levi says plainly, pointing to your cheeks.

The bar is filled with people, noise bouncing and echoing off of the walls. You can hear the bustle even in the supply closet. Your cheeks are hot again, your throat dry and you grip the box in your hands tightly. The chatter of conversation is somehow drowned out by the intensity of Levi’s silver eyes. 

“So you followed me in here?” You joke nervously.

“It’s bothering me,” Levi murmurs and steps closer to you. 

He’s only a breath away from you, and the quip that was on the tip of your tongue dies on your lips. Your dark eyes are wide, and  _ god _ , has it always been this hot in here?

“You mind?” Levi asks quietly, taking a handkerchief out of his pocket. 

He knows how this looks. But you shake your head immediately, words seemingly stolen from your throat. Levi presses his clean handkerchief to your cheek, rubbing gently against your heated skin. And then your forehead, and above your eyebrow. He sees your scars once more, just above your eyebrow and his eyes flicker to the one below your clavicle.

Levi pulls his hand away and you wonder if he can hear the sound of blood rushing to your ears. The lamp behind Levi somehow both illuminates and casts shadows on his striking features, his eyes melting silver into yours.

He tucks the handkerchief in his pocket and notices your eyes flicker to his lips. Then back to his eyes. 

But he takes a step back and has a hand on the doorknob.

“Your collar is stained, too,” Levi mutters.

With that, as if he hadn’t almost touched your face with his bare hands, he exits the supply closet and heads back to his table. Levi downs his drink quickly and tells everyone at his table that he’ll be leaving. And that they should do the same.

It takes you a few minutes to regain your composure.

***

Levi is alone tonight. It’s the first time he’s heading to the Silver Sapphire without his squad. It’s eerie, he decides, kicking a stray rock out of his path. It’s quiet, and yet he can hear the muffled sounds of conversation in the night. A light breeze dances through his hair and he looks up, seeing that the moon is nowhere in sight.

He stands outside of your bar and leans on his cane, hesitating for a moment but ultimately making the decision to pull the door open and go inside. There are a few people scattered across the bar, some in quiet conversation with each other and others sitting in silence. He recognizes a few faces from the arrival parade from earlier this morning. Perhaps they are drinking their sorrows away. 

Perhaps he should, too.

Levi doesn’t see you at first glance. He sees a tall woman behind the bar, with long, dark hair, sharp features and piercing, green eyes. She makes her way over to him with a notepad and a pen in hand.

“I’m Misaki. Can I get you something to eat or drink?”

“Just an earthwater.”

And she’s gone as quickly as she came.

Levi allows his eyes to wander, subtly searching for where you might be. He sees you emerge from the backdoor, your arms filled with new glasses and tumblers. You carry them with ease, without a worry of shattering even a single one.

He leans back in his seat, peeling his green Survey Corps trench coat off. He folds it and places it on his lap as he murmurs a soft thanks to Misaki when she brings him a full glass of earthwater.

It’s as bitter and sweet as he remembers it, and he downs the glass in less than a minute. Levi passes a glance at the other end of the bar, the end that he knew Oluo and Petra liked to sit at. They said it gave them the best view of the main street and that it was quieter on this side of the bar, where they could hear each other speak.

Well. They were dead now. The thought makes Levi want another drink. How  _ annoying _ .

As if reading his mind Misaki comes by once more, asking him if he’d like another drink. He nods, and Misaki is sure to add a little more alcohol in his earthwater. He looks like he needs it.

A flash of Petra’s bloody face lights up in his mind. Then, a flash of her father telling him that she’d chosen to dedicate her life to him. 

Another long gulp.

Then, a flash of Eld’s fian cée . Pleading, needing to know where Eld was. And then her bright eyes flooded with tears, asking if he had died valiantly.

And the truth was, even if Levi himself wasn’t present… He is certain that he did.

Another even longer gulp. The alcohol burns in the best way. He isn’t one to do this, to lament over fallen soldiers much less, lament over fallen soldiers over  _ alcohol. _

But it feels different this time. It’s  _ his _ team.

Levi doesn’t realize how tightly he’s gripping the glass in his hands, and he doesn’t flinch as he finishes off the rest of it.

***

Your curiosity is piqued when you see Captain Levi sitting alone at the bar of the bar, clutching his drink like his life depends on it. You see a cane poking out from the bottom of the table. Is he injured? You wonder where his team and his friends are. Then you recall that there was an expedition recently.

You swallow dryly. Had his team perished outside the walls? An unwelcome pit of dread buries itself in your belly. You cast a wary look at Levi, wondering if he’s planning on drinking himself to oblivion like so many of his fellow soldiers do after a loss.

Though, he doesn’t seem the type to do so.

You wonder if you’ll ever see Petra or Oluo ever again, though you feel as though you have the answer already. A familiar sort of melancholy settles in your bones, one that you’re all too familiar with. One that you’re certain Levi is familiar with, as well. Busying yourself with restocking and attending to other customers, you can’t help but glance at him every so often. He’s staring into nothingness, his gaze shifting from the floor, to the other side of the bar, to his glass, and finally  _ you. _

You hadn’t been expecting that, but you hold his steely, grey gaze. It’s empty and stern, making you want to look away. But you don’t. You hold your ground and watch as he brings his glass to his lips and takes a hearty sip.

You wonder if he’s thinking of that moment in the supply closet. And yet, it seems so  _ trivial _ now. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t think of that moment often.

You’re pulled away from his enthralling gaze by Misaki, asking you to remind her where the new washcloths you had ordered were. You tease her before telling her that they’re in the supply closet, next to the plates.

You’re unable to stop yourself from glancing over at Captain Levi once more.

***

It’s getting late, and Levi is the last one in your bar. You don’t want to usher him out. It’s clear that he’d come here as a last reprieve. Trying to catch a memory of his team from… before.

You’ve already told Misaki that she can go home. She casts a look at Levi but nods, gathering her things and leaving.

You pour a steaming cup of tea for yourself, and for Levi. Probably not a great idea, considering the time it is. But you do so anyway, and sit across from Levi at his table

He doesn’t react, only casting you a look of acknowledgement. But he continues to gaze at you, in his piercing way. Your hair is pulled away from your face, he notes. Your gaze is just as piercing as his and he finds himself unable to pull away from your dark eyes. The shadows illuminate the highest points of your cheeks, especially when your lips pull apart and you offer him a smile.

“You can kick me out. Don’t have to give me special treatment just because I’m  _ Captain Levi _ ,” Levi drawls.

“You’re not  _ my  _ Captain,” You raise an eyebrow, “Besides, I’m not giving you special treatment because you’re Captain Levi. I’m giving you special treatment because I think you need it.”

“Here,” You slide his cup of tea to him, “It’s on the house.”

“You give everyone drinks  _ on the house _ this often, or is it just me?” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” You grin and Levi catches a flash of your pearly, white teeth. 

He scoffs.

“Doesn’t seem like a lucrative business practice,” Levi mutters.

“Well, The Silver Sapphire’s still standing, isn’t it?” You ask dryly, “It’s not bad for business when those fuckin’ MPs and Garrison soldiers tell their friends that the pretty girl with the bar gives out free drinks once in a while.”

“Those fuckin’ MPs,” Levi rolls his eyes, “Shit for brains.”

To his surprise, you laugh, “Yeah. We’ve got a history. Me and the MPs ”

Levi looks at you with the same bored look and says nothing. But he wonders what that means.

“You usually don’t come here alone. In fact, none of you do.  You come as friends.  It’s why I like the Survey Corps so much more than  _ them _ ,” You say, crossing your arms across your chest. Levi catches a glint of the gold necklace around your neck and narrows his eyes. It has a gold pendant, with a pale green stone embedded in it.

There’s no way that a  _ bar owner _ could have a jewel that intricate and rare. There’s a story there, he’s sure of it. You clutch the pendant as if it’s a reflex, or a nervous habit.

“My team’s dead. Died during the last expedition,” Levi says bluntly after a few minutes, not missing the way your eyes fill with sorrow and how your smile falls.

“I’m sorry, Levi. I’d heard it was a tough one,” You say softly, “Cheers to them. May their souls rest in peace.”

You raise your glass and he does as well, the clink of the cups echoing in the silent bar.

“They were good. Had good hearts,” You murmur, “I didn’t know them very long but I knew that much.”

“Yes, they were. They died with no regrets. As good people. Good soldiers.”

“And you? Do  _ you  _ have any regrets,  _ Captain _ Levi?” You ask boldly, watching him through your eyelashes as you take another sip. The tea warms you from the inside out, and you hope Levi is enjoying it as well. But you can’t tell, his face as impassive as ever. 

“Only fools have regrets,” Levi says easily, “Nobody is sure of anything in life. We shouldn’t waste our limited time on thoughts of what could have been done.”

And yet, his thoughts flutter to Isabel and Farlan, before reeling himself back into your thoughtful eyes.

“I suppose,” You murmur, “People can waste their lives dwelling over the things they regret doing. Or  _ not _ doing. But I guess… there’s no wrong or right choice. We have to feel what we need to feel in order to move on.”

You have a faraway look in your eyes, and it’s mirrored in Levi’s own eyes. You tug the sleeves of your loose shirt past your knuckles, seemingly sinking into your memories. Levi hasn’t seen you this close before. There is a deep scar along the hollow of your shoulder to your clavicle, and he sees the shallow one on your forehead. The one he had noticed the first time he had come to your bar.

Despite the gold on your neck, the rings on your fingers, the silk of your clothing… You weren’t born to it. You probably crawled your way through, as evidenced by the scars. He idly wonders if there are more.

You rub the back of your neck before downing the rest of your tea.

“Tea’s not half bad,” Levi says, and you know that’s the most you’ll get out of him. You also know it’s the end of your night with him.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” You scoff.

Levi stands from his seat, shaking his trench coat of any dirt before fastening it over his shoulders. Before he can fix his collar, you step forward and fix it for him. Your fingers are light over the nape of his neck, eyes never leaving his. Dark brown mixes with gunmetal grey, and for a moment you’re transfixed by the way the moonlight strikes his eyes. Making them look like a molten silver.

“I’ll see you soon, Captain,” You say softly as you walk him to the front door.

“Thought you said I wasn’t  _ your _ Captain,” Levi drawls, amusement outlined in the upturn of his lips.

You laugh, “I’ll see you soon,  _ Levi. _ ”

***

The next time Levi comes by, a few weeks has gone by. In that time, Stohess District had become a titan battlefield resulting in many civilian casualties. You’re wise enough, and selfish enough, to acknowledge that that could have been Trost.  _ Again. _

You’re glad that your entire livelihood is on the edge of Trost District, bordering the next town. It had been mainly avoided during the Battle for Trost, save for minor property damages. But still. It’s never a good sign when there are  _ these  _ many civilian casualties.

You wonder what the hell is going on with the Survey Corps, the Garrison and the MPs. Are you all just fodder for their grand plans?

What a life worth living, in these three walls.

It’s one of the few times that Levi comes by when the sun is still in the sky. He seems to only visit at night. Probably because that’s when it’s easiest for him to leave the Survey Corps headquarters. That’s probably when he has the most free time.

It’s a breathtaking sight, seeing the sunlight against his dark hair. You wonder if he even knows that there’s a halo of light on top of his silky hair.

You suppress a shudder. He’s ethereal, everyone in your bar turns to look at him in awe and curiosity. His white sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons of his shirt are open. You swallow, trying to lubricate your dry throat. And yet he’s walking towards you as if he was created on the same plane of existence as you. Levi’s face is stoic, betraying no emotion as he leans an elbow against the bar. 

“Haven’t seen you this early in the day before. Almost didn’t recognize you,” You joke and he rolls his grey eyes. When they catch in the dimming sunlight, they almost look blue.

“Don’t get used to it.”

“No need to be  _ mean _ ,” You scoff, “Want a drink? You look like you could use it.”

Levi doesn’t reply, only offering you a grimace.

“I’m here because Erwin’s asked a favor of you,” Levi says in his usual bored drawl, “He wants you to be our supplier for alcohol. For any and all pre-expedition send offs.”

Despite Erwin sending his soldiers to their deaths as often as he did, Levi considers it a small reprieve that they are happy for at least a night before.

“Tell your Commander that nothing I do is for free or out of the kindness of my delicate heart,” You say, leaning against the bar. You’re close enough to him that you can see amusement in his eyes even as he narrows them at you.

“Delicate heart?” Levi scoffs, “Yeah, right.”

“Tell your Commander to stop by again, huh? I’m sure he could use a drink. Especially after dealing with  _ you _ all the time,” You tease.  You can’t help but want to prod him, to see if he remembered you from all those years ago. You highly doubted it. 

Something flickers across his face and you’re almost worried for a second that you’ve offended him. But then you see the small upturn of his lips and your heart nearly bursts in your chest.

“I could say the same. About him and Four Eyes,” Levi rolls his eyes, “And about  _ you _ .”

“ _ Me? _ I am a delight to be around,” You say easily and wink at him.

“Is this how you are with all your bar patrons?”

“And how am I, Levi?”

“Insufferable,” Levi says without batting an eyelash and you push his drink towards him.

“Only with you,  _ honey _ ,” You wink at him again and step away from the bar to tend to your other patrons, “Only with you.”

You cast a look at him from over his shoulder, only to find him already looking at you with sharp eyes. 

The evening crowd begins to filter into the bar and you’re unable to stray from your bar patrons. Levi wonders how that smile of yours, as genuine as it is, can remain painted on your face for as long as it has. Your eyes shine with mirth, and you greet your patrons as if they are all long lost friends of yours.

Levi finishes the remainder of his drink before fastening his coat and taking his cane. He winces as he stands to his feet, his leg not quite healed yet. He leaves without saying goodbye, and asks himself when he allowed you and your bright smiles to burrow in his mind. Your flirty words and teasing are  _ annoying _ to say the least. And yet...

Truth be told, he didn’t really fight this feeling from twining itself inside of him to begin with. And that’s not something he’ll lie to himself about.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. as embers settle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you get a blast from your past. or, what happened to you in the Underground and how you got out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the almost 2 month delay! enjoy-- and as always, im vennilavee on tumblr

Levi doesn’t come by often. But when he does, he turns heads every time. And he stays for hours whenever he has the chance to. It goes on like this for a few weeks- him arriving late at night or the early evening. And staying until past closure. Just to get a glimpse of you. A chance to talk to you. 

He never once denied himself of that reprieve. He won’t deny to himself that he likes you, that he enjoys your presence. This life within these three walls is too  _ short _ to pretend and to deny himself of those small joys.

You talk about everything, and nothing. Lately, he’s taken to daydreaming about your lips when he can’t sleep. His thoughts flit to your scars, the one on your forehead and the one on your clavicle. It’s not the first time he’s wondered if you carry any other scars. 

Levi wonders if you’d ever let him see them. He wonders if he’d ever show you his own scars.

He sits at his usual table in the back, rubbing his hand over his face tiredly. Can you see how tired he is? He hopes not. Those shitty kids, the shitty titans, and even shitty Erwin will be the death of him.

If you heard him say that, you’d tease him and tell him that he’s saying that out of love. To which he would scoff.

Today, he expects to see your usual smile and the teasing glint in your dark eyes. But instead, he’s met with a frown and lines of irritation fracturing the planes of your pretty face. It looks out of place on you. In fact, you’re gripping the pitcher in your hands too tightly and even Misaki is looking at you warily. Your eyes are steely as you watch a group of men at the other end of the bar.

They’re MP’s. No wonder you look so displeased.

“Aww, come on,” One of them jeers at you, “Give us a  _ smile _ , won’t ya?”

You so desperately want to turn them away. But money is money, and if there’s anything the Underground taught you… it’s to grin and bear it. Even when all you want to do is scream. Normally, you’d play along. To rake some extra coins from them. But not today. Because this one- he’s one of the MP’s you’d known quite closely in the Underground. He would roam where you lived late at night, you’d hear the commotion and the ruckus that came along with his arrival.

You’re disappointed that he’s still alive. 

His hair is greying, wrinkles around the corner of his eyes. But he’s very much alive and well. Alive enough to be throwing back your precious liquor like it’s water. 

You hate him, you hate that you’ve known him since you were nineteen, and you hate that he  _ still _ has this hold on you. That you can’t just kick him out and be done with it. 

He knows it and you know it. He comes by every few months, whenever he feels like torturing you with his face. Whenever he feels like toying with you, reminding you of what you had left in the Underground. Or rather, what you had ran away from.

You hold your head high around Roz, the way you always have. Even if he smirks at you like he knows your secrets, which he does, you ignore him.  _ The way you always have. _

You’re usually much better at pushing the bitter memories to the side. But tonight, they threaten to spill out spitefully. Memories of shared sheets, sweaty skin and unkept promises. And then a face, a face you think about every day, a pretty face that makes your heart leap and ache at the same time.

The face of your friend, of your dead lover. Liya. 

When you see him, you see  _ her.  _ You see her stained, dead eyes, her cold skin, her lifeless arms. Her neck bleeding out in your frozen arms, your tears mixing with her blood. 

It was a long time ago. It was a long time ago that you had gotten involved with the wrong crowd- specifically, with Roz- and gotten her killed. The bitter pill of regret dies on your tongue but you push it away.

You were foolish. She had been your partner in every sense of the word. She was the one who had discovered the secret to earthwater. Earthwater was her creation, and she wasn’t even here to reap the benefits. 

The two of you had had an idea. Liya brought it to life. She had figured out how to proof alcohol and distill sugar and starch to create the perfect blend. You were thieves in the night, stealing every bit of raw material as you could to bring your dream to life.

Your makeshift brewery was in the corner of your attic in the small apartment (if you could even call it that) that you shared with Liya. It had taken about seven months of meticulous experimenting to create something that you both believed in.

It was worth it though. To see her smile so full of hope, shining in a way you’ve never seen her shine before.

_ “People will do anything for booze,” She said confidently, her eyes glinting, “We’ll turn over a profit in no time.” _

_ “Even if we don’t… The memories we made along the way were worth it,” You giggle. _

_ “Shut up, memories won’t get us out of this shithole,” Liya snorts derisively. _

The version of earthwater that you both had concocted isn’t identical to what you currently brew and sell in your bar. It was a primitive version, not as tasty or flavorful. But still, it was impressive enough that it had caught the ears and eyes of your little neighborhood. And then word spread further and further. Until you and Liya had enough money to invest a little more in your little slice of magic.

Your little attic operation took off rather quickly. You had wanted to buy a nicer place to live in, but Liya had told you to look at the big picture.

To think about the sun. To think about how the  _ sun _ would feel once you both saved up enough to get out.

Pretty soon, earthwater had attracted the likes of the MP’s to your corner of the Underground. You gave them free samples, just enough to entice them. And then, of course, you charged them extra for your booze. 

You were happy with what you had. Creating something with the love of your life. Scamming the shitty MP’s. Providing something fun in a place where the sun didn’t even shine. Liya wanted more though. She wanted the  _ sun. _

Sometimes you wondered if she wanted it more than she wanted you. She reassured you though, when her head was in between your thighs, that that wasn’t the case. And you believed her. 

And then Roz came along. With his false promises that fed into your naivete so nicely, like it belonged. 

You would give Liya  _ anything  _ to fulfill her dream _. _ Even if that meant giving up yourself. He had promised you money,  _ so  _ much money. A chance at leaving this hellhole. A chance at a full belly and a good night’s sleep. A chance of not having to be on edge all the time. A chance at a happy life with a girl that was supposed to be your soulmate. 

And then Roz was demanding more of you. Liya didn’t even know- all she knew was that you were returning home later and later at night, with tired eyes and blooming bruises. She wasn’t stupid. She had put the pieces together before you could even confess to her.

_ “You’ll get yourself killed!” She screams. Certainly loud enough that the windows rattle. You wince. _

_ “I know what I’m doing!” You say stubbornly, “We almost have enough money to get out! That’s what you wanted!” _

_ “What I wanted?!” Liya protests, voice reaching a fever pitch, “I didn’t want you to prostitute yourself to the fuckin’ MP’s so we could get out!  _

_ “It’s just the one-” _

_ “As if that makes it any better! How are we having this conversation!” _

_ “It’s just Roz-” _

_ “Just Roz! Do you know how many girls have gone missing here after meeting him? Everyone here knows Roz! God, you’re so stupid,” Liya begs, eyes filling with tears. _

In the end, she was right. You  _ had  _ gotten yourself killed, at least a part of you. In the end, you had rebuffed Roz after that and he had retaliated by slitting Liya’s throat when you weren’t home. Like a coward. You had found her in your bedroom, the sheets dark and stained with her blood. 

Everyone in the vicinity could hear your cries and your broken, raw screams that night and for the next few nights. 

There had never been any evidence that it had been  _ Roz _ . Liya was a nobody in the Underground, and so were you. But you knew it was him. And he knew that you knew.

You spent  _ months _ torturing yourself by keeping all of her things in your bedroom, sleeping on her side of the bed. Until you saw Roz again and you knew that there was nothing holding you at home. You vomited the next time you saw Roz, and the feeling never quite goes away even now.

You needed to get out, and it burned like an itch. And ironically, when you pooled together your money with Liya’s, you had almost as much as you needed to buy your way out. It was only a matter of months.

Your train of thought is interrupted by Roz. Seeing him traps you back into a version of yourself that you don’t think of often. There was no point to thinking so much about it- if you dwelled on your decisions when you were younger, you would get wrapped up in this vortex of guilt. You knew that. But  _ damn _ , Roz always had a way of getting under your skin.

It’s a shame. That he’s still alive, and Liya isn’t. 

His words are garbled in your ears and it takes you a few seconds to realize what he’s saying. You cast a glance over to his table and a sense of dread fills you. He’s alone now- his party has left him. Most likely because he was drunk and being irredeemably  _ stupid _ . 

Goosebumps rise on your skin. Words bubble in your throat, words you’ve never had a chance to say. You want to  _ cut _ him, cut him right where it hurts…

Instead nothing comes out of your mouth. He derisively laughs at you and your silence. Misaki clears her throat, about to say something when Roz’s eyes slide over to lazily take her in.

The world tilts on its axis a little bit when his mouth opens.

“Who’s this?” He sneers, light eyes flashing at Misaki, “She looks so much like  _ her… _ Like your  _ Liya-” _

Your heart thumps erratically out of your chest and your face is warm. Before you realize what you’re doing, you’re on your feet and your knee connects with his chest. He falls back in his chair to the ground with a thump. Roz only looks at you with a knowing smirk and your hand latches around his neck.

You must look wild. You  _ feel _ wild. You feel the pent up fire of nearly ten years burning through your veins and you finally  _ succumb _ to it. 

“This feels _ familiar _ -”

“I should’ve fuckin’ killed you all those years ago,” You scream, your chest heaving and your hands shaking, “Don’t fuckin’  _ look _ at her. Keep Liya’s name out of your fuckin’ mouth-”

“Killin’ me wouldn’t have brought her back-”

“No, but it woulda been so fuckin’  _ sweet _ ,” You grin with the taste of blood in your mouth.

“Not as sweet as you-” 

And then you draw your hand back and punch him. Your ears are ringing, you don’t hear Misaki screaming, you don’t feel your right hand starting to throb or feel your knuckles splitting. You only feel _ rage _ wash over you and turn into numbness. 

Tears are falling fast and heavy down your face and your eyes are blurry. Suddenly, you feel a pair of arms circle around you and yank you off of Roz. One last look at his bloody face and crooked grin does nothing to calm the sudden hysteria rising in your chest and blooming from your lips. 

_ “Get out! Get out!”  _ You scream repeatedly, and you’re not sure who you’re screaming at. There’s nobody here. Nobody but you and Misaki.

And the person holding you close. You whip your head around to rip yourself out of the person’s arms to  _ break _ your other fist into Roz’s face. With wide eyes, you realize that it’s  _ Levi _ holding you back. You know him well enough to see lines of concern and confusion dotting his steely eyes.

“Stop,” Levi murmurs in your ear, “Relax. Stay with Misaki, I’ll get rid of him.”

Misaki steps closer to you, something unwavering in her gaze. And she holds your hand, squeezing tightly and taking you to the backroom to get you some water. And have you sit down.

You hold your head in your hands and squeeze your eyes shut. Misaki holds your hands and kneels in front of you, getting you to breathe with her. 

Levi drags the man with a broken nose out of your bar, allowing Roz’s head to hit the door frame with a soft crack on his way out. Roz groans but Levi pays him no mind. 

“I’ve met scum like you before,” Levi says lightly when he dumps him in a dark alleyway.

Roz looks up at him, eyes flashing in recognition. But Levi just scoffs at him and turns his back, heading in the direction of the Silver Sapphire.

***

“Go home Misaki,” You sigh, “I’m a mess. Stay home tomorrow, I’ll probably keep the bar closed.”

“I’m not leaving you  _ alone _ ,” Misaki says indignantly and gently cleans your split knuckles with a wet cloth.

You hardly even feel it. All you feel is the quiet ache of your heart from being closed off for this long. Maybe you should have handled Roz all those years ago. Would it have helped?

Levi finds you and Misaki in the supply closet. You’re sitting on a crate, your eyes dazed and Misaki is kneeling in front of you. She murmurs words of comfort to you but you’re not listening. Levi doesn’t know who that guy was or why it sent you into such a rage, but he can read in between the lines. 

“Thanks,” You mumble, finally raising your eyes to meet his stare, “For getting rid of Roz.”

“That’s his name? What a stupid name,” Levi says lightly and you snort.

“Misaki. Go home,” You urge quietly, “I’m sorry you had to see any of that.”

She looks at you and then at Levi unsurely. Her green eyes scrutinize Levi for a moment longer, trying to decide if she trusts you with him. With softened eyes, she nods and tells you to rest up before heading out with her bag.

Levi rolls his sleeves up and pulls up a crate to sit on in front of you. He gestures for you to give him your right hand. Against your brown skin, your knuckles are split a bright, brilliant red.

He gets up abruptly to wash his hands before inspecting your hand further, and to look for medicine and gauze. 

“Bottom left shelf,” You murmur.

“Where’d you learn to punch like that,” Levi muses, sitting in front of you with the cleaning solution, ointment and gauze next to him.

“The Underground,” You mutter, “Like you.”

Levi bristles wordlessly. Your words solidify an already existing suspicion of his. Levi motions for you to give him your hand and you wince as his fingers brush over your throbbing knuckles. Despite the pain, heat blooms in your chest at his sudden but soft touch. His hands are rough like yours, but still gentle. 

“This will burn. I’m cleaning it to make sure it doesn’t get infected,” Levi says.

“No shit, I know how to clean  _ wounds _ ,” You scoff. Levi gives you an unimpressed look that you return. 

“Congratulations,” He says dryly.

You barely react when he lightly dabs the cleaning solution on your knuckles. Levi wonders how much of this is muscle memory to you. The pads of his thumbs press into the back of your hand, almost soothing you. He’s quiet as he works, concentration folded into the creases of his handsome face. 

“You’re not going to ask me what happened?” You ask tersely.

“If you want to tell me, you will,” Levi shrugs. He’ll never press you to share more than what you are comfortable with.

An anvil sits on your chest, filled with pain that you’ve spent a long time convincing yourself was gone. If anyone can understand the pain that comes from the Underground, it’s Levi. 

“I had a friend. She was brilliant…”

And so you peel your lips open and tell him of your sinister love story cut short by your own stubbornness. You tell him about Liya, about Roz never leaving you alone, about finding Liya dead in your bed. 

You say it so swiftly, so factually that Levi wonders if you even realize what you’re saying. Your bottom lip is bitten as you look at him sadly, with guilt written in your eyes.

“You did what you thought was best at the time,” Levi murmurs, his voice quiet but firm, “Don’t taint her memory with your guilt and regret.”

“How can I not?  _ This _ was her dream,” You reply, your own voice sounding far away to your ears.

“So honor her dream,” Levi says simply, “And honor yourself.”

Your eyes widen and his words immediately make you halt the spiral downward. His silver eyes are disarming, almost seeing through you as if you were transparent. But then you realize, he’s not seeing  _ through  _ you… He’s looking at you as if you were a mirror.

Levi pulls his eyes away from yours and gingerly continues to wrap your hand with gauze. His touches are fleeting and familiar. It makes your heart jump erratically, and how ironic that you were in the same place when he had so awkwardly cleaned your face up… All those days and weeks ago.

Something  _ new _ blooms in your chest, mixing with the heat and adrenaline already pounding through your blood. It’s been a long time since you’ve been  _ touched _ the way Levi is touching you. Firmly, but as if you were delicate. 

That’s not to say that you  _ haven’t _ been touched in the past few years.

“What about you? Whose dream are  _ you _ honoring?” You ask softly.

A breathless sort of sound falls from Levi’s lips. He doesn’t answer you, only smooths his fingers over the bandages around your hand. Silver meets your brown eyes and your pulse quickens again at the intensity of his stare.

He looks at you long and hard but still says nothing. You don’t think you’ll get an answer from him.

“Change your bandages twice a day,” Levi says lightly, “And don’t get infected or somethin’ equally as shitty.”

“Thanks, Levi,” You say with a laugh.

He squeezes your shoulder fondly, allowing for his thumb to float towards the base of your neck. A soft caress, and then another. His hand twists to cup your cheek, thumb gentle against your cheekbone. You lean into his touch, and something quietly shifts in the air between you and Levi. 

“I lost track of whose dream I’m honoring a long time ago,” Levi says softly, “It’s just my dream these days.”

As quickly as he allows for the touch, he pulls away. You find yourself missing his unexpected warmth, but you know that’s the most you’re going to get out of him.

He leaves soon after that and leaves you with the lingering heat of his fingers on your cheek. It feels like something new, something old, and something you lost but found again.

Eventually, over another night of late night tea he  _ does _ tell you. Levi says it in passing, the names of his friends from the Underground. Isabel and Farlan. He says it fondly, as if he’s telling you a tale from a storybook.

You slide your hand across the table and squeeze his hand lightly. Before you can pull away, he keeps your hand tucked into his. Surprise lights up your features and then it melts into a bright smile. The candlelight illuminates your dark eyes and Levi can’t draw his eyes away.

So he doesn’t, and he lets himself fall into you. Wholeheartedly and completely.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. up in flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you learn what it means to be weightless.

Levi catches you eyeing his ODM gear curiously several times. You look like you want to ask him something, but you don’t. He lets it be because he knows at some point, you  _ will  _ ask. You always do.

He even makes it a point to take off his cape and he drapes it on one of the coat hangers behind the bar. You peer at the straps that seem to be molded to his shirt. Are there marks on his bare skin from the straps?

You’re itching to find out, and you don’t bother to conceal it.

It’s his third time here in two weeks, and it’s a new record for him. You won’t deny the warmth that spreads in your belly when you see his jet black hair and bored gaze in the entrance of your bar, usually at nighttime. You wonder why he comes to you, but you certainly won’t deny him the company he clearly craves but won’t admit to pining for.

Today he arrives particularly late, close to midnight when the moon is bright and her light floats into your bar, casting a silvery light over his dark hair as he walks in. Misaki teases you for pouting when days go by in between his visits, but you don’t bother to hide the fact that you enjoy his company, too.

The swirlings of attraction and desire for friendship twist merrily in your belly. It’s strange to you, how something as seemingly frivolous as  _ desire _ for another person is still so easy. You learned long ago that these feelings- friendship, love, companionship, trust- were the most beautiful feelings in this cruel, sad world.

“Bit early for a booty call, isn’t it?” You tease, looking up from your glass and wave at Levi.

“Don’t be so crude,” Levi says, “If I was here for a booty call, you’d know it.”

“Is that so?” You reply mildly, “You here for a drink?”

“What else would I be here for?”

“I dunno, the charming, brilliant, beautiful and incredibly stylish barkeep that you keep comin’ back to,” You smirk and Levi can’t help the small upturn of his own lips.

“Is that so?” He mimics you with a raise of his eyebrow and sits on the barstool in front of you.

You hum and pour him a drink. Today, you choose to give him a whiskey with an orange peel and bitters. You think he’ll like it. After all, it’s rich and silky, just like him.

Levi wordlessly hands you a few coins, making a mental note of how much money he has left. With the number of times he’s come to the Silver Sapphire in the last few weeks, he’s sure he’s going to run himself dry. He refuses to accept another drink for free from you, despite your offers. But you’ve stopped asking. It appears you’ve gotten used to his stubbornness.

He told himself in the beginning that he frequented here for your tasty concoctions and distractions. But it’s become increasingly clear that he comes here as much as he does because of  _ you. _ Levi would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t think of you when he wasn’t with you. He feels silly, allowing himself to be host to this attraction. It’s foreign and bizarre- he’s Humanity’s Strongest, with a job, a destiny outside of the walls. 

And yet, when he’s with you. He’s just  _ Levi _ . It would be foolish to deny the odd feelings brewing, the feelings that only seem to pull him closer to you. Whether by divine intervention or by his own subconscious doing.

He won’t pretend to see your eyes lazily dancing over his torso, his arms, his legs, his backside. He won’t pretend that it doesn’t put a smirk on his face.

“Enjoy,” You murmur, handing him his drink. And somehow, you always know what type of drink he’s in the mood for.

You step away from him with a wink, going to tend to your other customers. Misaki’s finished stocking and taking inventory of the register so she takes the opportunity to seize Levi up from a few feet away. Levi’s aware of her gaze upon him, but he decides to focus his eyes on you.

He knows you start to get tired around this time, your shoulders start to slump a little bit and your smile is a little sleepier. The sleeves of your black button up shirt is folded up to your elbows, your wrist bare except for one bracelet. You’ve unbuttoned the top three buttons of your shirt, and Levi gazes at your exposed skin and the necklace glinting at the base of your throat.

You’ve caught Levi staring at you before. You have trouble deciphering what kind of look it is- disgust? Desire? both? He gets it- showing your skin sells, especially at this time of the night, with the people who come by late. He hates that he understands it, and he hates that you do, too.

“You can’t take those hunks of metal off?” Comes a voice from Levi’s side. It’s Misaki, wiping off a plate with a dish towel and looking at his gear with disdain.

“No,” Levi says curtly.

“Why not? They’re taking up half the bar,” Misaki rolls her eyes and puts her hands on her hips.

“It’ll take a half hour to put it back on,” Levi says.

“It’s an eyesore.”

“Then look somewhere else.”

“Really? In my own bar?”

“ _ Your _ bar?” Levi scoffs.

“Okay, fine. It’s  _ her _ bar,” Misaki says, throwing her arms up in the air in frustration, “But she’s my  _ boss _ , so therefore, it’s  _ my _ bar!”

“I see.”

“Oh, do you?” Misaki mutters, taking a new plate and scrubbing at it more harshly than needed.

“Is that really necessary?” Levi asks, “You look like you’re about to break the plate. You’re not even cleaning it right. Let me show you.”

Misaki looks like she’s about to blow a gasket when you turn your head to look at them, and thankfully, you interrupt them both before she does.

“Oi,” Levi calls for you when he sees you glancing their way, “I didn’t realize you were hiring just about anyone here. I’ve got a couple of idiots who don’t know the difference between a washcloth and a dishcloth. Maybe they can help you out, too.”

“ _ Levi! _ ” You hiss, smacking his shoulder.

“You are just the  _ worst _ ,” Misaki seethes, “Which circle of hell did you crawl out from?”

“Same one you crawled out of,  _ sweetheart _ ,” His drawl is unmistakable and incenses Misaki.

“Will you both  _ shut up!” _ You hiss but neither of them listen to you.

“You’re lucky  _ she’s _ sweet on you, for whatever unfathomable reason. Otherwise I would’ve kicked your ass out and banned you from even being within fifteen feet of this bar!” Misaki says, venom in her eyes. She hasn’t realized what she’s said until you send her a glare and she looks at you sheepishly.

You refuse to look at Levi, even though your hand is still on his shoulder and you’re leaning into him. 

“You both are idiots,” You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. You need to work on getting them to be civil with each other, but for now you’ll settle for telling them both off.

Misaki is about to argue with you but you silence her with another glare. She busies herself with the backroom, her irritation slowly seeping away.

“Be nice,” You hiss at him, glaring at him even more intensely palm flat against his shoulder.

“Whatever,” Levi rolls his eyes and then there’s a hint of something funny in his eyes, “You sweet on me or somethin’?”

“Shut up,” You grumble, walking away from him.

Yes, absolutely, you were sweet on him. But you weren’t about to tell him that just yet. He could wait a little.

***

It’s a little past 1 AM when your bar finally empties out completely, save for the grumpy, dark haired man still sitting at the bar.

You finally take a seat at the barstool opposite to him and sigh in sweet relief.

“Misu, you can go home,” You say softly with a nod, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She nods and gives you a sweet smile and a wave as she leaves for the night. And offers Levi a steely glare that he returns. 

You turn your gaze to Levi, eyeing his gear and the straps. You’re itching to touch it, wondering what it feels like. You’ve always been benignly jealous of those who knew how to use the ODM gear. You’d always dreamed of what flying felt like, and you imagined that the gear was the closest anyone could get to flight.

Even in the Underground, when you were dreaming about the sun, you were dreaming of the feeling of wind against your face.

“Whatever you’re thinking. Just ask it,” Levi asks airily.

“Isn’t that heavy? The gear? And the straps? Does it hurt?” You ask curiously, unable to resist poking at the metal on either side of his hips.

“You get used to it,” Levi says, eyes lazily watching your movements.

“Oh. Must take a lot of practice to be able to maneuver it,” You say wistfully, “What’s it like?”

“What’s _ what _ like?”

“You know. Flying,” You shrug.

A pause, and before he can stop himself, the words sling out of his mouth. Almost recklessly.

“Wanna go for a ride?” Levi asks, as if he’s talking about the weather.

“ _ Really? _ Don’t I need training or something?” You gasp, dark eyes shining with wonder.

“You’ll be with me. That’s all the training you need,” Levi murmurs, standing from the barstool. 

Your heart is doing flips in your chest just at the mere thought of being in the air. How many times have you seen them whip past you during the day? How many times have you wished you could feel that, feel the cables reel you in as you whisked away with the wind, just for a second? 

“Okay,” You nod, an excited smile spreading on your face.

“ Let’s go to the roof,” Levi says, already moving to lock the bar up for you. 

Levi can feel your nervous giddiness radiating from you as you lead him to the roof. The moon is bright and beautiful, and most of the lights are dimmed. He looks like a painting come to life, his eyes glinting silver as if they were stars. A slight breeze ruffles his hair, but it falls into place as it always does. His skin glows with the moonlight, casting a silvery hue over his pale skin.

“What do I do?” You ask, feeling rather stupid.

Levi steps close to you and you nearly stop breathing when he wraps an arm around your waist tightly.

“Hold onto me,” He whispers, barely allowing you time to wrap your arms around him before his cables shoot forward, hundreds of feet away into a wall that you can’t see and you’re suddenly in the air. 

A delighted shriek fills the air and Levi watches you tilt your head to see everything that you can. Your eyes are watering from the sudden height and the sharp wind, but you’ve never felt so  _ weightless _ before.

Is this what it feels like to be a  _ god _ ?

“Look ahead,” Levi murmurs, “Ever been on top of Wall Rose before?”

“No,” You reply breathlessly, turning your head to meet his eyes. You tighten your hold around him as you look ahead, your surroundings blending together. All you see is Levi. All you feel is Levi. He tells you to look ahead at the massive approaching wall, but all you want to look at is him.

And you both know it.

You feel bold enough to rest a hand over his chest and your head in the crook of his shoulder as you look ahead in silence. The whooshing of the gas and the gentle sound of his heartbeat is an oddly comforting combination.

“Show me a few tricks,  _ Captain Levi _ ,” You murmur with mischief in your eyes.

Levi gives you a look before taking off and spiraling through the air, your surprised but muffled scream filling up the silence around you. You’re laughing wildly, eyes filled with mirth as you cling to him.

He can hear your heart racing, thudding against his own chest.

Wall Rose approaches in your field of vision and you gasp- you’ve never seen it this close. She looks magnificent and it’s easy to believe that this is one of the walls meant to protect the people within. 

“Wow,” You whisper to yourself.

“Never been this close?” 

“How could I ever possibly get this close to the wall?” You retort, earning yourself a pinch to your waist.

Levi gracefully lands at the top of the Wall and your legs are a little wobbly as you try to steady yourself. Your eyes are wide as you take in the scenery ahead of you- the trees, the expansive sky, the forests. You can faintly see Wall Maria from here. You swallow deeply, something getting stuck in your throat.

“You ever think you’d see all of this someday and get above ground?” You ask softly, hands out in front of you.

You look at him through your periphery, assessing whether you’ve offended him or not.

“Honestly… No,” Levi says, not looking at you, “We’re here now though.”

“Yeah,” You mumble, turning towards him, “It’s… beautiful. Breathtaking.”

But you’re looking right at him, rather than the scenery on the other side of Wall Rose. The way his hair falls into place, the moonlight shining on the highest points of his cheeks and illuminating his eyes as he looks ahead. 

You shudder, both from the chilly breeze and from his presence.

“Should’ve brought a coat,” Levi grumbles, turning to you, “Stupid.”

“You whisked me away before I could,” You protest, cheeks heating up when he silently pulls his cloak off of his shoulders and clasps it around your shoulders. It’s warm, and it smells like him. Clean and woodsy.

Levi holds your intense gaze and watches as you bite your bottom lip nervously. Your eyes flicker slightly to his lips before meeting his eyes again. It’s different this time. Compared to when he had followed you into the supply closet. The air is charged, heavy and curling with warm desire. You step forward, closer to him and wait for him to push you away. For him to tell you that you’ve misread all the signals and that you’re delusional. But he says nothing, and instead looks at you with the same half-lidded eyes.

He sees embers in your brown eyes, and he wants nothing more than for you to light him up from within by your hand. Your hands are hesitant against his chest, trailing upwards and cupping his neck. You tighten your hold when he doesn’t pull away and you’re only a breath away from him. He can taste something like mint on your breath and waits for you to take the plunge with him.

“Tell me to stop,” You say breathlessly, “And I will.”

“I haven’t said anything, have I?” Levi murmurs, a hand on your cheek. His hand is rough but warm and you lean into his touch instantly.

With a surge of confidence, you press your lips to his softly, fisting the collar of his white linen shirt. Levi pulls away for a moment, only to give you another unreadable look and seal his lips over yours. Your gasp is swallowed by his kiss and he easily pulls the air out of your lungs. But you don’t think you need air to breathe, not when Levi is kissing you like this. Not when you can feel him gently prodding at your soul with his tongue.

He wraps a strong arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him and you snake your hand from his neck to sink into his inky strands. Lightly scratching his undercut with your nails, you tilt your head to the side to deepen the kiss hungrily.

You swallow his low moan and it sends a delicious shiver up your spine. Before you can dip your head to steal another kiss from his near swollen lips, a voice calls out from behind you. Levi’s face shifts into a look of pure annoyance when he recognizes who it is.

You see another person, a woman and a younger boy with the same green cloak as Levi. The same cloak currently wrapped around your shoulders. You know how this looks, and you’re tempted to steal Levi’s gear and fly off of the wall in response. You look at Levi helplessly and the annoyance briefly washes away when he looks at you.

“ _ Leviiii!” _ The woman calls, waving to him and gasping when she sees you, “I didn’t know you were on patrol here! We must have missed our post, Eren…”

“I’m not on patrol, Hange,” Levi says curtly.

“And who’s this? I haven’t seen you before, are you new?” Hange asks, focusing her hawk-like eyes on you. Levi knows that Hange remembers you. Of course she does. Hange never forgets anything, and she’s testing you. Her eyes are sharp despite the jovial grin on her face.

“Uh,” You mumble and clear your throat, “No-”

“Part of the new cadet class? No, I don’t think so,” Hange says, circling around you thoughtfully. You wish you could shrink into an atom. The younger boy’s wide green eyes are swimming with confusion.

“Hange,” Levi says sternly, “Stop interrogating her. We’re leaving.”

“Not even an introduction?” Hange pouts.

“Levi, don’t be rude,” You mumble, smacking his chest and you tell Hange your name, “We met at the bar a few weeks ago, remember? The first time I met  _ Captain Levi.” _

“Oh!  _ You’re _ the barkeep!” Hange gasps as if she’s uncovered a secret, “I’ve been  _ dying _ to meet you again but Levi’s kept you hidden away from me.”

“With good reason, shitty glasses,” Levi grumbles.

“Me too! Levi likes his secrets, doesn’t he,” You say, shooting Levi a playful glare, “And who’s this?”

“This  _ brat  _ is Eren,” Levi sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I think we’re interrupting something,” Eren whispers, tugging his cloak.

“Look who grew a brain cell overnight,” Levi says dryly and you stifle a laugh.

“Which bar is yours? I’ll have to come by one day without Levi to bother us,” Hange says and you smile sincerely at that while Levi stops himself from rolling his eyes. Again.

“The Silver Sapphire-”

“ _ Oh! _ Of course, I remember now…”

“We’re leaving, Hange,” Levi says with a note of finality.

“Oh alright, Levi. Good to see you again!” Hange says, waving at you both. 

Before you can reciprocate her enthusiastic goodbye, Levi whisks you away without warning. Your words morph into a soft shriek as he splits through the air with his arm tight around you as the sound of the cables pierces the silence. 

“Could you be any more dramatic?” You mutter. 

He kisses his teeth in response. This time, you’re quiet, observing the quickly passing buildings and enjoying the way the wind kisses your hair. You close your eyes without realizing it, arms tight around him and then you realize-  _ this _ is what it means to be weightless.

Levi thinks you shouldn’t trust him so easily, but he doesn’t mind that you do.

“Oi,” Levi says, voice jarring in the stillness of the night, “Open your eyes. We’re back.”

“Oh,” You mutter sheepishly, pulling away from him.

But not too far. 

“Thank you,” You murmur, velvety softness in the corners of your eyes, “I enjoyed that.  _ Especially _ this-”

You plant a swift kiss to his chapped lips and let him snake around you, hands shaky and breath coming out in short puffs. You can’t help but wonder when the last time he had been touched. He deserves it, you think. He deserves to be held and touched in a way that made him feel human. Not like steel. Your fingers are gentle as you pad over his jaw and his eyes are wary but he doesn’t stop you. 

He wonders if you do this often, with men and women that you like. Levi decides he doesn’t care. 

“Stay,” You plead hoarsely, “Stay with me tonight.”

Your palms are flat against his chest, dark eyes swirling with want. For him. The thought makes him dizzy. Not that he shows it.

You cup his cheek and kiss his jaw, his cheek, before he feels the soft press of your lips against his neck. You even nip his earlobe and Levi lets out a low groan. He feels your smile against his skin and  _ god _ , have you always smelled like that? Like earth and musk and wood?

Levi pulls away, intensely studying your face for a moment. You hope you haven’t made a complete fool of yourself- you still can’t read Levi as well as he can read you. You take a step back with a small smile, assuming that you’ve overstepped your boundaries. You’re about to unclasp his cloak to give it back to him as you swallow the bitter pill of rejection.

But he tugs on your forearm, pulls you flush against his chest and kisses you deeply in one swift motion. Your knees are weak as he quickly deepens his kiss, tongue slotted against yours and barely allowing you a singular straggling breath. Levi cups your neck, hands rough but his touch is gentle. As they always are.

You had expected his kisses to be rougher than they are. Despite his jagged edges, he’s gentle with you. So much so that it makes your heart flip and sends pulses of heat through your belly.

“Let’s go,” Levi says, pulling away slowly and taking in your hooded eyes, parted lips, and shudder, “It’s getting cold.”

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” You ask brightly, ignoring the hammering of your heart against your ribs.

“Use the one brain cell I know that you have,” Levi says flatly and follows you inside, down the steep staircase to your apartment.

“How romantic,” You tease.

“If romance is what you’re looking for, I’m not it,” Levi says. He almost feels obligated to say so.

“Is that so? I think a midnight ride to the top of Wall Rose and a quick makeout session is pretty romantic,” You say, nudging his shoulder, “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.”

“If Hange knows, then the entire Corps knows,” Levi says, holding your front door open for you when you unlock it.

“I like her. I hope she comes by again soon,” You say sincerely, taking his cloak off and hanging it up on the coat hanger.

“Of course you do. You two would get along."

You hum in agreement and stretch your arms out. Without a word, you put on the kettle for some nighttime tea. It’s already late, but you know Levi likes his tea. As the kettle is on the stove, you go to your bedroom to change into a loose shirt and comfy shorts and yawn widely. You’re more tired than you thought. It seems the adrenaline is wearing off.

You head back into your cozy kitchen and sit at the table, across from Levi. He’s unhooked the gas canisters from the straps nearly molded to his body.

“Can I help you take them off?” You ask softly.

Both of you know that he doesn’t need help. But you offer anyway, and he accepts anyway with a small nod. 

“Do you wear these for the majority of the day?” You ask curiously, gently prodding at the straps.

“Mostly. Unless there’s an off day. And not at night,” He replies, not bothering to conceal his sigh when you peel the straps off and rub his shoulders. You can see faint red marks and bruising under his linen shirt.

You wonder if you’ll get a peek later tonight. 

“I have my spare night clothes. They’re all pretty loose on me, they’ll probably fit you,” You murmur, pointing to the shirt and pants you’ve laid out for him.

The thought of sleeping in your bed with his day clothes makes his stomach churn.

He nods and pats your head, heading into your bedroom to change. You pour out a cup of tea for him, deciding to forego a cup yourself. You put some warm honey in his tea as he walks out of your bedroom and your throat closes up.

What is it about the sight of a man in your night clothes? He’s swimming in your shirt, and the pants are loose at his hips and his thighs, nearly dragging on the floor. If these baggy clothes were loose on you, then you were certain they’d be loose on him. After all, he’s smaller than you. He catches your warm, woodsy scent floating around him from your shirt. You find it rather cute that the collar of your shirt is hanging off of his clavicle.

“I made you tea,” You mumble weakly, rubbing your eyes.

“I look like an idiot,” Levi deadpans, tugging at the collar of the shirt.

“No, it’s cute,” You protest and he shoots you a glare, “Fine, don’t trip over the pants. They’re dragging.”

He gives you a semblance of a pout and you stifle a laugh.

“Don’t be so grumpy. I made you tea, come here,” You murmur, gesturing to his steaming cup.

“Didn’t make a cup for yourself?” He asks, sitting on the other side of your small sofa.

“No,” You shake your head, “I’m pretty tired already.”

Levi nods, ruminating on the quality of your tea. You hate how much you’re awaiting his approval.

“It’s not shitty. Could use work though,” Levi says and you roll your eyes. 

You stretch your legs and prod his thighs with your cold toes, sinking them under him. Levi only gives you a look and holds your gaze as he sips your tea. You yawn, your eyes watering a bit. You lean your head against the armrest of the sofa, fatigue beginning to settle in cozily. 

“Oi,” Levi says, “Come here.”

You blink rapidly, trying to wake yourself up and untangle yourself from your side of the couch. Warmth radiates off of Levi and it makes you even more drowsy.

“Tired?” Levi murmurs.

You’re itching to tuck yourself into the crook of his neck, but you won’t. Not until he says so.

“Yeah,” You mumble, “You kept me up all night.”

The faint sound of a chuckle reverberates through your ears. 

“Come here,” Levi says, and you take that as an invitation to curl into him with a satisfied sigh. You remind him of a cat, the way you wordlessly wrap around him with your arms around him. Levi finishes his cup of tea and has a hand around your shoulders, rubbing circles on your bare skin.

You watch him with barely open eyes as he washes his teacup and puts the tray away before ushering you into your bedroom.

“You want me to take the couch?” Levi asks, prepared to do so. You look offended.

“What? I didn’t ask you to stay over just so you could sleep on the  _ couch _ ,” You gasp, “Sleep with me.”

Levi raises a thin eyebrow. You swear you see amusement in his eyes.

“You’ll have to wait until tomorrow if you want sex. ‘M too tired,” You mumble, patting his cheek and he wonders how you can say that so easily.

“Is that what you say to everyone you bring to your bed?” Levi scoffs.

“Not many people get to stay the night,” You reply, pulling the covers back and you sink into your sheets, “Consider yourself honored.”

Your eyes are closing already but your heart races when the bed dips and he lays down next to you. Cautiously.

Levi wants to ask you why you’ve invited him into your bed then, if it’s a rare occurrence. He says nothing, only gingerly covering himself with your comforter. He’s wide awake, staring at the ceiling, mind going a million miles a minute.

“What is it?” You ask with closed eyes, “You look like you’re constipated and you’re as stiff as a board.”

“Your eyes aren’t even open,” Levi rolls his eyes.

“I can just tell."

Levi huffs and turns to you, only to find your eyes open and watching. You raise yourself a bit, resting your cheek on your palm and balancing on your elbow. You reach a hesitant hand out to him, resting it over his chest. His grey eyes are blank but hesitant.

“Sleep,” You murmur, curling into him, “It doesn’t have to be so complicated. Just  _ sleep _ , Levi.”

He feels your lips along his pulse, his jaw, and his lips and then his forehead. Your eyes are warm, warm and dark as they always are. Even in near darkness, he sees warmth dripping from your eyes. You’re like a small fire next to him, a spark that he always wants to see.

If he dies tomorrow, the last thing he wants to see is your eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im just the gift that keeps on giving- hope you enjoyed! i contemplated whether it was moving too fast, but honestly it just made sense to me. as always, im vennilavee on tumblr


	5. drabble 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> levi's about to leave for an expedition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a drabble based off of a prompt 'please come back to me'. it was sent to me on tumblr @ vennilavee

Levi hardly ever sleeps over, and when he does, you never want to sleep. You want to hang on to every precious second with him, ignore the sun rising over the moon and just lay in your cocoon with him. But for his sake, you sleep. So that he sleeps- he has trouble sleeping as it is.

You won’t be a reason for him to not sleep right before another expedition outside of the walls.

In the morning, the air is still. You bury yourself further into your comforter and nuzzle into Levi’s hold over your waist. You don’t want to let him go, not really. If you just stay in bed for another five minutes, maybe you can convince yourself that this was a strawberry pink dream…

But you can’t go back to sleep, not when Levi looks the way he does. Dark circles under his eyes have considerably lightened ever since sleeping with you and he looks  _ relaxed _ . Strands of silky hair fall effortlessly to his forehead and you can’t help but push them away easily. His lips are pouty even in his sleep, and a little chapped. Brushing a thumb over his bottom lip without thinking, Levi catches your wrist in his hand.

His eyes are still closed and you wouldn’t even be able to tell that he’s awake if he wasn’t holding your wrist.

“Good morning,” Levi murmurs, voice still thick with sleep.

It’s the dawn of a new day, and in less than four hours, he’ll be out of the door. He’ll be outside of the walls, face to face with a danger that you can’t even conceive. Selfishly, you wonder why it has to be him. You wonder if he could ever choose a full life with you.

“Morning,” You say softly, kissing the corner of his mouth. Levi hums, finally peeling his grey eyes open and meeting your sleepy, brown eyes. He pulls you closer to him, lazily draping a leg over yours and kissing you properly in greeting.

He still tastes like tea and mint. You try to hang on to it for as long as you can. Levi kisses you lazily, as if he has all of the time in the world. You know he doesn’t.  _ He _ knows he doesn’t.

You say nothing, only kissing him back fervently. As if he’ll disappear if you don’t. Which he just might. You memorize the feel of his lips, the chapped ridges that fit between yours. Your grip is urgent, arms tight around him and you press yourself as close to him as you can. To mold into him. 

Levi slots himself between your legs easily and pushes your nightgown up at your waist. His weight over you is a welcome one, his hands squeezing your thighs. To commit the feeling to his memory. He kisses down your clothed chest, relishing in your quiet sighs before running a hand over your core. You shiver, he looks at you with a glint in your eye and your sighs melt into moans as you let him love you.

***

You had only had time for a shower and a quick breakfast with him, but that was okay. He had to be back at headquarters soon, to get ready to leave for the expedition.

Levi watches you curiously, eyes trained on your back as you flit around to make yourself busy. You’re uncharacteristically quiet, as you usually are. But this time seems different. He can see something floating behind your brown eyes, something shining at the surface. Waiting to be spoken, to be said out loud in a whisper, as a confession.

“Come here,” Levi demands softly, patting his thigh. You turn around, looking like a newborn deer as you hesitantly make your way to him.

You sink into his lap, arms wrapping around his head instantly. Levi curls a hand around your cheek, eyes dancing with amusement at the soft gasp that comes out of your mouth. He pushes his lips to yours greedily, hands moving to your waist and squeezing.

You like that. He knows you do.

“What is it?” Levi asks, forehead pressed against yours.

“Hmm?” You ask, about to press your lips to his again.

“You’re quiet this morning,” Levi says.

“Nothin’ gets passed you, huh?” You mutter. Levi flicks your forehead in response.

“What is it?” He prompts again, squeezing your waist.

“Just…” You murmur, “ **Please come back to me in one piece.** ”

Levi exhales. “I can’t promise you that. You know I can’t.”

“ _ I know. _ Promise me anyway.”


	6. heat, mind, soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which there is a party, and you spend the night at the survey corps HQ. and your bar is destroyed. (smut in this chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess 2 months between each chapter is the norm for this story huh...catch me on tumblr @ vennilavee

Notification of the pre-expedition party comes in the form of one of the younger survey corps scouts walking into your bar late one evening. You recognize him as the boy you saw on the wall a few days ago. Eren.

When you had your midnight kiss with Levi on top of Wall Rose. His kiss was something that played on repeat in your head, the soft feeling of his lips against yours, his hands over your hips, the way he pressed himself against you when you both fell asleep…

Despite the grimness of this world, his warmth and the map of his hands is a feeling that has fondly crawled into your heart and bloomed. And over the last few days, he’s stopped by when he can, opting to spend the night with you whenever possible. 

It’s moving fast, but with him, it just feels _right._ And for two souls from the Underground, taking things slow seems like a waste of time. Considering that you _both_ know how fleeting life is. And that small joys should be cherished and held on to for as long as they can.

So you hold on to him. You cherish him. You ask questions about what it’s like beyond the wall, and he only looks at you as if he can see right through you-

_“It’s...it would be better without the fuckin’ titans.”_

_“Oh, you don’t say?”_

_“It’s endless. There’s so much sky...trees...you would like it. You like that kinda shit.”_

_Levi pauses, kissing his teeth._

_“I’ll take you someday. When this is over.”_

_You scoff. Tomorrow is not a promise for today, and you both know that._

_“You shouldn’t make promises you won’t keep.”_

You’re lost in your thoughts for a moment, thoughts of Levi and his steel eyes, when the boy in front of you clears his throat with wide, green eyes. 

Despite him being _just_ a boy, you can see the undercurrent of tragedy and blood in his bright eyes.

“Think you’re a few years shy of legally being able to buy a drink from me, Eren,” You say dryly, wiping a beer glass with a cloth.

“I’m not here for a _drink_ ,” Eren says, sounding affronted, “I’m here because the commander wanted to relay a message to you.”

“Your commander and his captain couldn’t come tell me themselves, huh,” You mutter under your breath.

“Oh, you’re telling me that Captain Levi isn’t going to be stopping by soon?” Eren says smugly, without batting an eyelash and you gasp at his attitude.

“That’s-that’s not-” You sputter, cheeks warming up at his grin, “What is the _message_ , Eren?”

“The commander is requesting your services for a party in about a week. He wants you to provide alcohol and drinks for the Survey Corps.”

“O-oh,” You nod, “Yes, I can do that. Just give me the details and I’ll do my best.”

Eren tells you that he and some other members of the Survey Corps will arrive during the day to help bring the barrels and bottles of alcohol over to headquarters. You don’t bother to tell Eren that you are well aware of where the Survey Corps headquarters is located. 

Because Levi somehow trusted you enough with that information.

The thought of seeing the castle where _Levi_ lives sends a rush of nerves through you. He hasn’t invited you himself, not yet at least. After all, he usually stops by your bar more often than not and you’ve never asked to see the castle.

You think that Captain Levi of the Survey Corps probably has more pressing things to worry about than the blossomed feelings of the bartender pining after him.

Perhaps his leg is still slightly hurting him, you think. Levi had mentioned here and there that sometimes his leg would ache at random moments. You wonder how much of him aches and how much of it he internalizes. He hasn’t been by to see you in a few days, and if you’re a little disappointed, you’ll keep it to yourself. 

Because there are more pressing things, and you’ll see him soon enough.

***

Levi wonders if he should ask you to stay the night. After all, you’ll be essentially hosting this gathering for the rowdy soldiers of the Survey Corps. And you’d probably be tired by the end of the whole ordeal.

He’s already tired from it, and it hasn’t even happened yet. But if you’re there, that makes it a little more bearable.

Levi tries not to stare when you walk into the mess hall with Jean and Connie on either side of you, each carrying a barrel of what he presumes is wine while talking your ear off. And you smile with them, laugh with them.

You’ve been here for two seconds and Levi can already tell that you fit in with them. And he struggles to keep his eyes off of you- the fit of your long black skirt hugging your hips and the green blouse tucked into your skirt, gold hoops on either ear…

Pretty. You look pretty and Levi’s throat goes dry.

He catches your eye and you offer him a crooked smile. Levi makes his way over to you and tells (really, demands) Jean and Connie to go get the other crates of alcohol, and you smile a little wider at him.

“Missed me so much that you wanted to throw a party here, huh?” Levi says, letting his fingers brush over your clothed elbow. His touch is fleeting, barely there, but you can’t help but try to lean closer to him for more.

“You caught me,” You reply dryly, “I wanted to see you so bad that I offered more than half of my stash of liquor for you to consume in a single night. You know, I should report you to the MP’s for encouraging underage drinking. Pretty sure your kids were frothing at the mouth just from the _smell_ of beer.”

“Underage drinking? Yeah, right,” Levi scoffs with a roll of his eyes, “Those kids wouldn’t be able to tell water from wine.”

Levi brushes his pinky finger over yours and the small touch sends your heart accelerating. 

You let out a laugh, your head tipping back in mirth and you miss the flash of fondness in Levi’s grey eyes.

“You gonna give me the official tour or what,” You ask. You’re curious about the space that Levi lives in, about where his friends and colleagues live. The Survey Corps has always felt like an enigma to you- a flurry of forest green capes and silver blades. 

“Maybe later. Don’t you have work to do?” Levi says, voice flat but you catch the undercurrent of teasing.

“You gonna help me? You didn’t even help me bring the barrels inside.”

“You had it covered.”

“Oh, did I? If your _kids_ are drunk off of the fumes, don’t blame me.”

Levi exhales sharply, a breathy chuckle escaping his lips. The sound echoes in your heart, a sound you never want to let go of.

“You’re stupid,” Levi mutters and pokes your forehead. You only beam at him.

***

Organized chaos fills the mess hall quickly once the Survey Corps begins to fill in to the hall. You can’t help but wonder when the last time any of them had laughed like this- were they laughing for themselves or fallen soldiers and comrades? Both? It’s the least you could give them, you think.

The raucous sounds of laughter and shouts emerge from the corner of the mess hall, where you spot Eren and a few other boys his age. Namely, one of them with brown hair. They’re yelling at each other, about to start throwing fists, while a crowd forms around them.

Nobody moves to stop them, but clearly, everyone’s either too intoxicated or too lazy to try. But really, maybe this is a reprieve that they _all_ need. 

The shouts get louder and punches start being thrown. You pay it no mind, expecting _someone_ in the Survey Corps to stop them. Before you can give it another moment of your attention, your vision is blocked.

You look up, somehow maintaining a perfect poker face when you come in contact with Erwin Smith’s deep, blue eyes.

“Was wondering when the Commander himself was going to grace me with his holy presence,” You remark dryly.

He only looks at you in _that_ disarming way. The same way he looked at you the first time you saw him in your bar. And it’s a look you’ve seen on him from years ago.

You’re very familiar with him, it seems. And the thing you both have in common is Levi.

“I assume you found your way here alright?” Erwin asks. He’s intimidating and his mere gaze makes you swallow nervously.

“Yes, Eren and the rest were really helpful. And thank you for asking _me_ to supply you. I’m really-”

“I trust anyone who Levi trusts,” Erwin says simply and your jaw nearly drops.

“Do you?” You can’t help the question and Erwin looks amused.

“Do you have something you want to say?” Erwin asks, his eyebrow raised.

Your palms sweat- should you tell him? Should you tell him that you recall seeing him all those years ago in the Underground? Should you tell him that you and Liya had been paranoid that he and he team were coming for you and your little not-so-legal operation?

“No, not at all,” You shake your head, “And a word of advice- maybe it’s _not_ a good idea to blindly trust anyone who your Captain trusts.”

“Who said anything about blindly trusting anyone?”

And he walks away from you, effectively rendering you speechless. You think he has that effect on people quite often.

***

By the time the night ends, it’s well past midnight. In fact, it’s closer to three in the morning, and your eyes are burning with sharp fatigue. Most of the Survey Corps soldiers had drank their fill and the descent into drunkenness had been a merry one.

You always love to see how people enjoy the things you create. It’s part of why you genuinely enjoy being a bartender. But making drinks for the entirety of the Survey Corps _was_ pretty taxing, even if you had enjoyed every minute of it.

And if Erwin Smith himself had paid you well _and_ complimented your bartending skills, it was a win for you.

You had managed to have a few drinks of earthwater to ease your nerves, but now you were eager to go home and go to bed. Sleep is calling your name, and yet your eyes always land on Levi.

He hadn’t approached you much during the night. Not that it bothers you. You know he wants to let you be in your element without him as a distraction. But really, he’s not a distraction for you.

Levi sees you yawn a few times and something hesitant gets stuck in his throat. What is he so hesitant for? It’s so late already. It would be stupid for you to walk home right now, _and_ walk home alone.

He could walk you home, he supposes. But he doesn’t want to do that either. It’s been a few days since he’s seen you last. Since he’s stayed the night with you.

Maybe you could stay the night with _him_. For the first time.

Levi scoffs at his own internal monologue.

***

“It’s late,” Levi says off-handedly. Everyone else has cleared away from the mess hall, taking their drunken antics with them to bed.

“Great observation,” You mutter.

“Stay with me tonight,” Levi says. He says it so easily, as if it’s not the first time he’s asking you to stay with him. He forces himself to look you in the eyes, amused to see a knowing grin on your face.

“I was waiting for you to ask. Can’t believe it took you until three in the morning to ask me to stay the night-”

“Don’t make me rescind my offer.”

“What a _gentleman_ ,” You tease.

“Shut up.”

***

Once the door of his bedroom closes, you immediately tug his wrist and he turns around, about to ask you what’s wrong. But instead, you impatiently press your lips to his, tasting liquor on his tongue immediately. Levi tastes sweet and minty, refreshing like a cool sunrise.

Your hands are instantly in his hair, chest pressed against his. His hands hover over your hips before sinking his fingers over your ass.

“Missed you,” You say into his mouth, your voice soft and sweet. You press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, somehow already knowing that he was aching to be near you. To hold you, to touch you.

Levi lets himself indulge with you a little longer- the press of your hips against his is too much for him to _want_ to resist. His hand cradles your neck as he steals your breath with soft lips. You don’t think you ever want to live in a world where you can’t feel his quiet desire.

“Wait,” He rasps and you look at him with wide eyes, “Go change.”

“And _what_ would you have me change into?” You ask with a raised eyebrow, “I don’t have clothes here.”

“I have clothes,” Levi murmurs, his thumb caressing your cheek.

“They’ll be small on me-”

“Just try them on,” Levi hushes you and pulls you towards his mahogany armoire. You can’t resist touching the different iterations of his uniform, his dress shirts, his trenchcoat. And then his linen night clothes.

“You’re not shopping,” Levi says dryly, “Stop touching everything.”

You smack his chest lazily. “I’m assessing my options. I guess this’ll do-”

You pull a shirt from his closet, it’s soft under your fingertips and you wonder how it might look on you. Maybe Levi would enjoy the sight of his clothes on you the same way you had enjoyed your own clothes on him. Levi gives you a shirt, similar to the style of the grey linen shirt you enjoy seeing him in.

“Turn around,” You shoo him away.

“I’ve literally seen you naked,” Levi says flatly, but turns around regardless. He hears you rustling your clothes off and hopes that you don’t let your clothes drop to the floor. What a _mess_.

You neatly fold your clothes and place them inside his armoire, tucked into the corner. Levi can’t resist turning around and catching a peek of your bare legs, a hint of cotton black panties, and the way his shirt cinches around your waist.

Levi swallows. 

“Told you it wouldn’t fit,” You say pointedly, “Look at this-”

Levi’s _looking_ alright. His shirt rides up on you, your bare belly and your hips calling for his touch. The shirt is tight over your chest, your breasts defined and detailed by the fit of the shirt. You’re afraid to raise your arms too high, for fear of ripping the shirt.

“Looks great to me,” Levi murmurs, stepping closer to you. His hands instantly grip your hips, your warm skin under his fingertips and pliant to his touch. 

“You’re only saying that because you _have_ to,” You roll your dark eyes playfully and smack his chest. He takes your wrist, thumb absently soothing your pulse and he raises your wrist to his lips. He presses a light kiss to your inner wrist, leaving your heart fluttering and your lips upturned.

“I don’t have to do _anything_ ,” Levi points out.

“Yeah,” You breathe, “But you _should_ kiss me-”

Levi easily picks you up, his hands tight on your thighs and carries you to his bed, dropping you carefully on his crisp, cotton sheets. Everything smells like him, his beige sheets, his pillow, his covers. You could drown, and you’d gladly sink in love with him.

You’re both a synchronized mess of limbs and lips, of murmurs and moans- neither of you can get enough of touching the other. It’s only been a few days, maybe a week or so, but you’re overcome with a familiar feeling. A familiar feeling of longing, of not wanting to let him go. You cross your ankles hastily around his narrow waist, pulling him closer to you.

The dimming light of the candle at Levi’s bedside illuminates the soft planes of your face, giving your brown skin a fiery glow. You look like you _belong_ here, your dark hair a sharp contrast against his sheets. You look like you belong here, with him, in between his sheets and fitting in the rough crevices of your hands.

But your hands are rough, too, in the way that they scale his back. Your touch is rough but gentle against his scarred skin. The scars on your skin match some of his and he squeezes your hands as he dips his head to meet your rouged lips. 

Levi wonders if he should pull away from you. Not just from this _moment_ , but from you in all of your fire. If embracing his feelings for you is dangerous, then he’ll be a risk to himself.

If his feelings are something to avoid for some grand, noble cause that he doesn’t quite understand, he _won’t_. Not when he’ll regret it if he does. Not when the noises he pulls from you, the soft sighs and breathy calls of his name sound so sweet to his ears. Not when the cacophony of your sweet noises shoot straight down to his cock.

He won’t deny himself of this divine rapture- nothing would ever compare to the way your moans crescendo in his ear, only for your wet, warm walls to squeeze down all around him. Levi kisses the junction in between your shoulder and your neck, panting into your glistening skin as he rolls his hips into yours. His hands are bruising over your hips, hands squeezing every inch of your skin that he can.

Levi’s eyes are blazing, bits of grey steel sputtering out in ash when he looks at you. The intensity of his gaze makes your cheeks heat up, and instead you tip your head up for a needy kiss.

He curls a hand around your warm cheek, stilling inside of you momentarily. “Are you with me?” Levi murmurs. He’s so close to your face that soft puffs of his breath tickles your nose.

“ _Yes_ ,” You mumble hoarsely, “I’m with you.”

***

Waking up next to Levi in his bed felt as natural as anything else in the world. As the sun rose, illuminating his bedroom with soft rays of gold, you did, too. Specifically, you woke up to Levi’s hands on you and his lips attached to the back of your neck.

You could get used to this. You could really get used to this.

“You don’t have anything to do today?” You ask, sleep still curled in your voice.

“Couple things later,” Levi murmurs, “For now, just us.”

“Okay,” You hum, closing your eyes and almost drifting back into sleep.

Mornings with Levi are slow and steady. Just the way you like it. No interruptions outside of the concrete walls of his bedroom, only your breaths and his. He slots himself between your legs and you make a home out of him as the sunlight pours onto your skin.

Levi doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything as beautiful as the golden sunshine on your brown skin. 

***

Once you and Levi are both dressed, Levi wordlessly hands you something heavy in your hands. It’s in a sleek, black box and you raise an eyebrow in curiosity.

“What’s this? Parting gift?” You ask. Levi rolls his eyes and opens the box for you. It’s a silver dagger, one that looks a little used.

You look up at him with wide, confused eyes. 

“In case you need it,” Levi says simply.

_In case you need something to remember me by._

***

A bullet almost as wide as your palm slings past you and into the shelf of alcohol behind you. Before you can shout at whoever it was for destroying your precious liquor, a piercing pain erupts from your upper arm.

Blood drips down your arm, staining the edges of your nice blouse. The bullet grazed your bare arms apparently and Levi meets your eyes from his position behind the bar counter. Silently, you tell him you’re fine and to handle his _mess_. He gives you a curt nod and eyes the bottle of alcohol in front of him and takes your shotgun.

He always would ask you _why_ you had a shotgun if you never learned how to properly use it. And you’d tell him you’ve always been a knife kind of girl, as he should know.

You briefly wonder _how_ Levi reacts so quickly. Are you in shock? Why are you thinking about Levi’s quick reflexes when your arm is bleeding out? You feel lightheaded but you force yourself to stay awake and stand firm. It’s _your_ bar, and you’ll be damned if anyone gets in the way of that.

Words and the shouts around you sound muffled to your ears. You briefly hear Levi and the stranger with a fedora exchange a few remarks, before Levi lifts your shotgun over his head and shoots. Your ears are ringing fiercely and you barely hear Levi mutter to you that he’ll try to come back to you before tossing one of your bar stools out of the door and into the stranger.

“That’s my fuckin chair,” You mutter, “Ass.”

Levi doesn’t look back at you before swinging away on his cables. You hear the sharp twist of blades and the booming sound of bullets fill the air once more before black dots coat your vision and you pass out.

***

Cradling your left arm close to your chest, you survey the damage at your bar. The bar top itself is split in half with stray pieces of wood littering the floor. The stench of fear and adrenaline lingers in the air, even though it’s just you in the bar.

You decide to tell Levi that you’re putting the damages on the Survey Corps’ tab.

You had woken up several hours ago in the infirmary, with a nurse and a doctor looking at you warily-

_The throbbing in your arm had subsided for the most part but you just felt so… woozy._

_“We cleaned out your wound while you were passed out. Unfortunately, it does require stitches. Eight to be exact.”_

_“You couldn’t do that when I was passed out, too?” You groan hoarsely. Stiffness begins to settle into your left arm and you wince._

And about thirty minutes after that, you had left the infirmary alone with only the new moon as your company. You vaguely remember Misaki being in the infirmary with you, but you had told her to go home. She had a younger sister to take care of, after all. That much you remember, in your exhausted delirium.

Sweat breaks out over your forehead when you attempt to pick up the pieces of broken wood from the floor. You manage to clean all of two feet of space before giving up from exertion. You sit in front of what remains of your bar counter and lean your head back with your eyes closed.

What a day. You hope Levi’s okay, and that whatever reason he had for dramatically slamming into your bar completely unannounced was worth it.

He’d roll his eyes at you if he heard you.

“You gonna sit there all day or what?” A voice, quite possibly one of your favorite voices, calls from the entrance of your bar.

“We’re closed. For construction,” You reply, still with your eyes closed.

You hear his footfalls before they stop right in front of your crossed legs and he crouches down to be eye-level with you. You feel his fingers brush over your bandages and you finally open your eyes to come face to face with Levi himself.

“Hey,” You murmur, the last bits of your strength evaporating into the air with your words.

“You should be resting,” Levi says, eyes intensely trained on you. 

“I suppose,” You reply, “You should be resting, too.”

You eye the cut over his eyebrow and splotches of dried blood caked over his cheeks. You wonder if it’s his blood.

“Couldn’t even make it upstairs?” Levi asks, ignoring your comment.

“Obviously not,” You roll your eyes.

“I should leave you here. For that mouth of yours.”

“Shut up. I quite literally took a bullet for you, so help me up, _Captain Levi_.”

His eyes soften marginally at that. He pulls away from you to quickly clear away the broken pieces of wood strewn across the floor. He hoists you up with his hands gently over your ribcage. You’ll never deny his touch on any part of you, and you both know it.

Levi carries you to your small but cozy apartment above the bar when he sees you fighting off fatigue. He wonders if you do that for his benefit. Pretend like you’re not the most tired you’ve been in a long time just so he doesn’t feel bad about it.

He knows of your tough exterior and he knows your smart mouth. But he knows that you’re soft, too.

Levi seats you on the edge of your bed and you watch him flit around your apartment with tired eyes. He’s been here enough times to know where things are- ointment, bandages, medicine, water.

“Stitches?” 

“Eight of them,” You nod.

Levi wordlessly peels your bandages off of your skin. You expect a sharp sting, but there is none. Only Levi’s rough fingers gently prodding at your skin.

“I could’ve done a better job,” Levi scoffs, “Look at this. It’s going to leave a scar.”

“Should I have waited for you while you brought your fancy medical supplies?” You snark, “Besides, it’s okay. Nobody will fuck with me now.”

Levi ducks his head to examine your stitches further, but you’re certain he’s rolling his eyes at you again. His fingers are gentle and warm along the outer areas of your fresh stitches. He washes his hands before dabbing ointment over the gash and wrapping it with new bandages. 

“You should watch what I’m doing, rather than stare at me. I won’t be around to change your bandages every night,” Levi says without looking at you.

“What an honor _that_ would be,” You mutter, “Having you stay longer than a night. What a dream.”

He hears the bite in your teasing, but lets it go. Hands brush over his cheek, fingers flitting over his eyebrow curiously. You pad across the skin there, satisfied when you feel a mostly healed cut.

“And you? You were bleeding when you _flew_ in here. Who _was_ that guy anyway? Can’t believe he fuckin’ shot me. In my own fuckin’ bar. What an _ass_.”

“That was Kenny.”

“ _That_ was Kenny?”

“Yes, close your mouth. You look like a fish out of water.”

“How else do you want me to react? The guy who raised you is trying to _kill_ you? What the hell, Levi?”

“He’s part of the shitty MP now. With the interior police.”

He can’t hide the disdain in his voice.

“Wasn’t he the one who killed over a hundred MP’s? Kenny the Ripper?”

“The one and only."

You’re quiet for a few moments, fingers reaching behind him to lightly scratch his undercut. Levi dares to let out a quiet sigh, closing his eyes and allowing himself a few moments of silence. And _you_. You press your forehead to his, a light breath tickling his nose.

Dark circles under his closed eyes are prominent and his shoulders seem to slump in your embrace. He’s tired, even if he’ll never say it.

“Stay with me tonight?” You whisper, breaking the silence. Levi opens his slate grey eyes and peers into your own, reluctance already swirling in them.

You press a kiss to his jaw. His cheek. The corner of his mouth. Finally, his lips. As if you’re trying to coax him into staying with you.

Like he needed any persuasion to begin with.

“I have to leave early tomorrow,” Levi finally says. You nod and he buries his head in your neck, breaths soft and steady against your skin. His chapped lips are rough but welcome over your throat as he kisses you. Levi is gentle with you, mindful of your arm, as he melts into you wordlessly.

You wonder if this man knows the extent of how deeply he’s burrowed himself within you. You wonder if he knows that your blood and your heart belong to him.

The words, the confession. It never comes, no matter how often you think of spilling the words from your lips. It remains silent in your throat, caged away like a bird that will never sing.

You tug at Levi’s shirt, trying to lift it off of him with one hand. Mostly, you want to see if he has any fresh bruises that need attention. But you always get distracted by him and his curious hands.

But tonight, you can tell his mind is wandering. And you can tell he needs to _sleep_. You wish he’d sleep with you for half a day, or even sleep in with you once in a while. But you can only dream.

“Levi,” You say softly, “Will you help me get out of these clothes? I’m so tired. Kinda want to just… lay down.”

You rub your eyes and press your forehead to his shoulder. You sigh contentedly as his hand rubs your back and you lazily rub his chest.

“Sit up then,” He murmurs. He knows where your sleep clothes are, and pulls out one of two shirts he had given to you weeks ago. To remember him by.

Levi undresses you, deliberately sending you little shocks with his touch across your warmed skin. His lips are upturned slightly. He’s being playful. He tosses your clothes in your laundry bin as you crawl into bed, waiting for him.

“Wait,” You say sheepishly, “Can I have some water? I mean, I’d do it myself. But I’m just so _cozy_ right now.”

Levi kisses his teeth in pretend annoyance but brings two glasses of water to bed with him. One for you and one for him. You drink generously, watching him change into sleep clothes before he blows out the candle on your nightstand. Levi climbs into your bed and immediately pulls you to him, fingers under your shirt instantly. His arm is around your waist, wrapped around you, quiet and steady. He’s careful not to touch your injured arm. 

There are a million things you want to say to him. You want to speak to him until the sun comes up, not wanting to waste a second more with him. You want to hear about every second of his day and you want to tell him about every second of yours. His time with you is rare and limited and you’re always left yearning for more when he inevitably leaves you for the world.

His world. The one without you in it.

You swallow those slippery thoughts down, and instead snake your fingers through his hair and enjoy the way he hums into your neck. Levi rubs the bandaged area around your arm gingerly. His touch is gentle and featherlight, yet still somehow carrying all the words he doesn’t say in it.

“I need to get you another chair, I think.”

“You need to get me another _bar_ , I think. I’m putting it on the Survey Corps’ tab. It’s a Levi tax. A _levy_ if you will.”

“Hilarious,” Levi mutters, but you hear the airy chuckle against your skin. You laugh with him, before turning towards him and cupping his cheek. He meets your dark eyes, peering at you as if he can see your heart beating through your gaze.

“Sleep, Levi. Wake me before you go,” You say softly, pressing a fierce kiss to his lips.

Levi allows himself to get lost in you, in your familiar jasmine scent. He allows himself the luxury of a lover stealing his breath away at least _once_ more.

Sleep comes easily for him that night. As it usually does, when he’s with you.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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